Why am I so nice to him? Why am I such a good friend to him? What has he ever done to even deserve someone as good as I am to him in his life? I would really like to have someone answer these questions for me. Because God knows I have absolutely no idea why. He always does this. Every single time. And I always let him off the hook. He is a bad friend more than he is a good friend. Yet I still can’t let go. He takes me for granted. I wrote a fucking three page letter to him. Did it change anything? Anything at all? No. It didn’t. It fucking didn’t. It never fucking matters. No matter how much I care about him or how good I am to him he always. fucks. it. up. Every. fucking. time. Why? Why? Why? Why? I am the stupidest girl in the world to still be talking to him. I don’t even like him in that way. I am not attracted to him romantically or anything like that. That is what makes this even more ridiculous. I love him. Why? What has he ever done to deserve my love? NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Yet, I am very pissed off at him right now and saying all of these things. But soon, I will calm down and I will be like, oh I didn’t mean it. BUT I SHOULD MEAN IT. Why is he allowed to treat me like shit when no one else is? What happened to the Tanya that promised she would NEVER EVER let a boy treat her like that. The one who looked scornfully at all the girls who let boys treat them in such a mean way. Just because they said I love you later. Why does it even matter if they love you after if they are mean to you and have to remind you or themselves that they love you? I don’t know what it is here. But this is getting ridiculous. So I am going to do what I do best. And I am going to push him away. Here is my bet that he isn’t coming back. And you know what? I think that is okay with me. It might not be now but it will be later. Eventually though, well maybe not completely forget about him, but I will stop being sad when I hear his name. I won’t care anymore. I won’t miss him anymore. But you see, it shouldn’t even take that long. Because he has given me NOTHING to miss him over. Ever. He has done nothing kind to me or for me. I just don’t know why I pour my heart out to him and let him just soak it in and then all I get is a fucking “oh”. he has no idea how much that pisses me off. So fucking much. UGH. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, honestly. Not long. It is either going to end with him being a better friend or us just never talking again. And I know him so I know he is going to take the easy way out. He always takes the easy way out. That’s what his life is about. I don’t need to fill my life with people like him. People like any of the ones I have in my life right now. I need new friends. I need a new place. I need a new life.